I know this seems counterintuitive, yet it is true. The majority of couples come to counseling when? When there is a pretty major rift already in place and both parties have dug their heels in deep. I help couples in distress on a daily basis. They get new communications tools to put into practice and begin to climb out of the hole they have fallen into.
This month, I have several new couples seeking pre-engagement counseling. All the couples are in a good place and want to know how they can stay that way for the long haul. Several come from divorced families and they want to avoid that outcome at all costs.
So what are we doing in therapy if they are in a good spot? With a little digging we uncover a lot. Couples are typically very good at ignoring or putting up with bad habits in the beginning, but as time goes on, the habits become pain points for both partners. For example, one of the partners is not good at speaking up for herself. He on the other hand tends to make plans which are great but isn’t great at asking for her opinion. This will be fine and dandy until a few years down the road when her resentment is peaking because she kept quiet and he has no clue about the distaste simmering just beneath the surface. The resentment will show itself in other ways that most likely won’t make sense to him. She might finally explode and he will be baffled because he thought he was doing a great job planning fun trips.
Guess who is the culprit in this ordeal? Both of them. He never asked or inquired about her perspective and she never voiced her unhappiness. Get curious, check in with each other, do not hold your feelings in and stand up for yourself.
In pre-engagement counseling we unearth the stuff you don’t realize is a potential disaster down the road. We also discuss how to have a productive argument, what triggers certain personality types and how to avoid this, how to take total responsibility for yourself and how to keep your personal power.
Don’t become one of the statistics and go through a painful breakup or divorce. Let us help you get all the tools and relationship advice before you think you even need it. Check out our pre-marital couples counseling or couples counseling and make an appointment today!