Calling all Machismo...Listen up
I have this fantastic pair I am working with in couples therapy. These two – in the beginning – and I am NOT exaggerating, could hardly say one sentence without the other one jumping all over them. True story.
Today they are in session and he is telling me how mortified he was coming into my office for the first session. To him, it meant failure and he (and I quote) “doesn’t fail”. This is a guy who wakes up every morning and declares himself a winner in the mirror ( I LOVE THIS!!!). He’s a very successful businessman who I imagine is definitely in charge at work and his tone is BIG. She is soft spoken and had trouble standing up for herself because she put everybody else first. She is certainly not a pushover, rather a care-taker who put herself and her spouse second or third on the list of importance. They each had their faults. While I was definitely concerned about these two, I also saw the passion that they have for each other, their careers and those they love. Even when they were seriously pissed off at each other, they were holding hands. It was sort of like, I am so pissed off at you and terrified of losing you at the same time… so don’t let go.
As for the “failure”, now he “loves” coming in and talking and these two are doing fantastic. I felt like I really pushed both of them during one of our sessions and I seriously wondered if they would be back. I wondered about these two all week long.
Hooray! Each one stepped up in a way they had never done before. Both gave something that they were terrified of giving. Once they gave, the other softened. They each now had some really good faith that the other was all-in, no going back. That’s all they needed was to know that 100% the other wasn’t taking off and that they were secure with each other.
They have civil arguments now, they each know their growing edges and where they still need to do the work. She brings in the couples manual every week and shows where she has fallen short and where her work is still in progress. I love this story because I have only seen them XX times. Therapy doesn’t have to be some year-long process. When you commit and dig in you are in control. I want you to be in control and I want you to get your power back.
Let me help you get the control back in your relationship, for each of you, asap. You can come in by yourself or with a partner. Why won’t many men come in for therapy? Because they feel like they have failed. Failure is NOT coming in, so be a winner 😉 Call me asap
Couples therapy is a winner’s game.