I was picking up my son from school today and kids from a younger grade were outside playing Red Light Green Light. Do you remember this game?
The person in charge yells Green Light! while jumping around so that their back ends up facing the raucous crowd and all the kids run towards that person hoping to get to them first so that they can be the next leader. Then the leader yells Red Light! and jumps back around so that all the kids have to stop and freeze in whatever position they can immediately.
The person who reaches the leader first wins and becomes the next leader. But in this game, the leader ran away and around the field as fast as possible when a kid got close and every single kid ran after him screaming with excitement. He broke the rules! Teachers were yelling at him to stop, kids were running all over and he just kept going. I love this kid.
I got to thinking, how much of a rule follower are you in your relationship? Many months ago my husband and were I attending this awesome wedding. Our table was all women except for my husband. He was feeling the romance, holding my hand and occasionally giving me a kiss on the cheek, and some of the other women at the table were a wee bit disgusted. They told us “gross” and “aren’t you two beyond that after 20 years?” Were we breaking some social rule about slight affection in public? PULEEEZE.
And what about at home? Can you think of any rules you have grown to follow but if you really think about it you hate it and deep down you think they are stupid or unfair? There are ways to approach these subjects in couples counseling. If you have grown resentful to these rules, you may be acting out now saying how unfair or ridiculous they are.
These approaches won’t get you very far, in fact your partner will dig in their heels because you are changing a dynamic that has been in place for awhile. We can help. If you want to change the dynamic without upsetting the relationship, give us a call. We want to pass on our expertise to you!