Depression–Friend or Foe?

By reading the title, I bet you are wondering if there is a typo where the word 'friend’ exists in the same sentence as depression. How is that possible? We hate depression, right? Almost everything about depression on the internet explains how it is enemy number one and how we can overcome it. In many instances, I agree with the desire to get rid of depression as it can be incredibly debilitating to not just the individual but those around them as well. However, I would like to suggest something different. 

Treat Depression as a Friend

Let us view depression as a friend, just for a little bit. Consider this a thought exercise. The more time I spend practicing as a therapist, the more I have noticed clients’ goals of excommunicating the big-bad ’depression’. People are taught that depression is something that should be “treated”, “overcome”, or “dealt with”. Society tells us that people with depression are sick and need to have it taken care of. 

Ideally, it sounds wonderful to get rid of this so-called ‘negative’ energy and be able to enjoy the sunshine and rainbows of the world. But what is holding them back? It could be because getting rid of something that is so deeply rooted in our nervous systems feels impossible and even discouraging.

So let us put on our new filtered lens and take a peek at what is the purpose of depression in me. Have you noticed how depression has been there to protect you from further harm? Minimizing risks? Evolutionary speaking, depression encourages the individual to rest. 

“While depression may be maladaptive when it comes to mood and social interactions, the symptoms could be quite adaptive when it comes to keeping a person alive while fighting infection. The theory also helps explain why stress can trigger depressive episodes. It may be the body’s effort to amp up the immune response in preparation for infection.” (Walton, 22)

Different Ways to Look at Depression

If we take a break from resisting this very important part of us, we just might notice the purpose of its existence in our lives. To try something different, would be to understand and befriend it first. Once you feel like you have made peace with depression as a part of you, only then can you start to encourage that part to move over to the passenger seat, while you focus on taking the right steps towards regaining control of your goals and life. 

• Being aware of how depression is negatively (isolation, lack of motivation) and positively (reevaluation of habits, re-prioritization, self-protection) impacting your lives. 

• Speak to yourself and the depressive part with kindness and grace. (Negative self-talk discourages us from making progress)

• Encourage the self in you to be in control of the daily goals that you wish to achieve. 

• Start collecting the small victories throughout your day.

• Rewrite your story with new-found motivation and confidence!

If you struggle with depression and want to learn how to see it from a different perspective, please schedule an appoint with me today.

It's Not You... It's the Pandemic

Psychologist Amy Cuddy and writer Jill Ellynn Riley recently identified something called “pandemic flux syndrome,” a non-clinical term used to describe the mess of feelings associated with pandemic-related changes to our everyday lives.

These feelings may take the form of blunted emotions, spikes in anxiety or depression, and maybe even a desire to make a drastic change in your life. If you tend towards anxiety you may have been tempted to make a major life change, like moving across the country or changing jobs. If you tend toward depression, this may have encouraged you to retreat more from the world. Sound familiar?

Here’s a little more biology behind why we (and our brains) are having such a hard time right now:

• Our brains love predictability and certainty. We would rather be in a worse situation with a predictable end than be in a slightly better situation with an unknown end. We do not know when the pandemic will “end” or when our lives will return to “normal” or anything resembling it.

• Your brain is not very good at predicting what will make you happy. We commit these “forecasting errors” all the time by believing that something will make us happier for longer than it actually does. We might have been fooled into thinking that partially lifting restrictions or finally seeing family and friends would have made us significantly more happy than it actually has.  

• We have depleted what is known as our “surge capacity,” which is our mental and physical ability to adapt to acutely stressful situations.  At this point in the pandemic, we have been in fight, flight, or freeze mode for 18+ months, which is something that our brains are not used to processing. 

• Our brains are not designed to live in a long-term state of emergency. When you’re still in middle of an emergency, you don’t have the mental space to process what you have been through. We are still trying to make sense of all the loss we have experienced over the last year and half and haven’t had time to process our individual or collective grief. 

So how do we deal? Here are some tips for navigating these types of feelings:

•  If you’re feeling anxious or impulsive, take a step back to reconsider. Talk to someone you trust before making a big decision. 

• Set boundaries with the amount of information you take in. It is tempting to obsess over case and vaccination rates, but it is unlikely to make you feel better because it likely to change. Be mindful of what you give your attention.  

• Focus on smaller things you can control and plan things you can do. Consider what you have power over. You may not be able to control what the pandemic is doing, but you can control how you react to it all. Make time for self-care, which includes physical and mental wellness.

• Ask yourself what you need and try to find it. Some of your normal activities may still be limited but use a little creativity to come up with a new solution. Utilize the resources you have. 

• Stop asking yourself when it will be over or when things will go back to the way they were before. The COVID-19 virus is here to stay for the foreseeable future, and we all have to adjust and start living in this new “normal,” as unpredictable as it is. 

• Know that you are not alone. Be kind to yourself and others. We are all experiencing (hopefully) this once in a lifetime event and trying to adjust as we go. Somewhere out there someone else is probably feeling something similar. Remember that human beings are resilient beyond our understanding and that any response you are having is okay and valid. 

If you are struggling beyond using these tips for help, I would love to talk you through some of your feelings associated with Pandemic Flux Syndrome. Reach out to me today or book a session below.

Something THIS bad?

Today a client asked me if I have ever dealt with “something this bad” in my practice.  Her marriage is in a shambles in ways that frankly are hard to imagine.  To her, it’s worse than any horror movie.  I told her that I’ve never seen her exact situation, but I’ve had all the pain in the world in my practice from different clients in too many situations to count.  So the question is not about judging the extent of the “badness”.  The question is have I ever seen this much pain.  The answer will always be “yes”. 

Part of her question asks about a “degree of pain marker” to be put on situations.  The first time I realized I couldn’t put a measurement on the degree of emotional pain was when my son was in the NICU for three and a half months.  He was born three and a half months early.  I would get comments that people could relate because their child was born 4 weeks early.  I came to the conclusion that if your worst event in your whole life was your child being 4 weeks early and it scared the living shit out of you, then who am I to say mine was worse?  We were equally scared shitless.

Don’t compare your pain or life situation to anything else.  You pain is your pain no matter what anybody else thinks.  If your partner does or says things that are belittling and mean according to you, then they are belittling and mean.  I have clients from the east coast who can talk to each other in ways that would make my mid-west clients lose their mind.  The point is that if you have a feeling or an emotion or a pain, it’s real and it’s ok.

The other point is that yes, you can move beyond it if you want, but you don’t have to.  If what happened is the straw that broke the camel’s back, then it’s broken.  If you want to try everything and anything to repair it, then let’s go for it.  Just don’t feel like you have to do what all your friends say because they don’t think your pain or your situation is that bad.  Your wound might not be big to them, but to you, your heart has been ripped out.  Pay attention to your feelings, to your grief and to your needs.

I have seen pain, I have felt sad and hurt. I am here to help you get through what ever level of “bad” you are experiencing. Call and make an appointment today.

Out of the Darkness Community Walk

Join me at “Out of the Darkness” Community Walk in Denver September 24, 2016

At Colorado Couples and Family Therapy, we often give calls to action, ways to take a concept and apply it to improve your life. Well here’s a different call to action, a way to improve someone else’s life.

On September 24th, you can join me and many others in walking with the “Out of the Darkness” community walk to remember those we have lost and bring awareness to mental health issues so we may help those struggling with suicide.

EVENT DETAILS

Walk Date: 9/24/16

Walk Time: 10am-12pm

Walk Location: Coors Field (1663 Park Avenue West, Denver)

To get more info and register: afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.eventID=3920

From www.TWLOHA.com:

Suicide, or intentionally taking one’s life, is complex; it involves psychological, social, biological, cultural, and environmental factors. People who are suicidal may talk a lot about death, with/draw from friends, give away prized possessions, become more reckless and impulsive, /or express hopelessness. (2) Suicide is preventable; talking about it does not cause someone to become suicidal, but rather, could actually save their life. 1

Some statistics:

•    Globally, there is one suicide about every 40 seconds. 2

•    In the U.S., there is a suicide every 13.7 minutes. 3

•    Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death for Americans. 1

•    Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for Americans age 15-24. 4

•    Males die by suicide four times as often as females, but there are three female attempts for every male attempt. 1

1.    AAS Facts about Suicide and Depression

2.    WHO Suicide Prevention Fact Sheet

3.    AAS 2010 Suicide Final Data

4.    CDC Suicide Fact Sheet*

Favorite Podcast of the Week - The Hilarious World of Depression

My favorite podcast of the week is The Hilarious World of Depression.  Have you listened to this??!!  It’s so amazing.  John Moe, a comedian and the host of the podcast, has discussions with a lot of famous people about a silent but often deadly disease, he also makes you laugh about it.  His first question to all guests, usually comedians, is “Is depression funny?”.  They all answer yes, and then they talk about the lonely side of the disease when you try to manage it on your own.

I love this podcast for several reasons and am always on the lookout for a new episode.  Like I said, he is having in-depth, very personal conversations about depression and its debilitating effects.  So much of what we witness about depression is on TV ads or in magazines in small print that makes no sense - If you take this drug you might feel better.  Don’t get me wrong, I think psychopharmaceuticals are fantastic, but what John is doing is different. He is normalizing depression by introducing you to famous people who suffer and how they are combating their mental illness. He puts well known faces to depression making it relatable.  You probably need more than a dose of medicine daily to really combats this nightmare.

John gives listeners tips and tricks in every episode.  Everybody deals with and handles their depression differently.  He gives listeners mini episodes as well, some of which are listener based.  People email him with their personal strategies.  I tell all my clients that no matter what, you need an arsenal of weapons, a toolbox full of ideas because some days your go-to weapon won’t cut it. 

Here’s a link to the podcast - go get it!  AND, stop struggling alone!  We want to help you, call us right now and start feeling better today.  Let’s build your own personal arsenal to kick depression’s ass. 

Carrie

303-881-3355