Shock of the News - Part 1

*Trigger warning - this post might trigger pregnant women or families who went through a similar story* 

I was about 23 weeks into my pregnancy when I started having some pains and then a little bleeding. I wasn’t super concerned at first because I had been seeing a high risk doctor and nurse since the beginning. (Oh, side note here - trust your instincts. I had a doctor tell me I really didn’t need to see a high risk doctor but my instinct told me otherwise, and my son is alive today because of all my maternal instincts.) I spoke to the on call nurse that weekend and she told me my cervix was just shrinking or something along those lines and to not worry about it. That Monday, my nurse, Terry, called me back and told me to get to the hospital immediately.

We parked at a 2 hour meter thinking we would be in and out in about an hour. I literally walked into the hospital and they asked me if I was Carrie. They put me in a wheelchair and took me up to the neonatologist of the practice I had been seeing, Pediatrix / Obstetrix Medical Group at Rose Hospital. (By the way, I worship this group, they are all amazing and brilliant and comforting). We met with Doctor Lindsay that day for the first time as my Doctor was at another location. They did an ultrasound and told me I was dilated and in labor. I don’t know how to write about this part. I don’t know how to accurately convey our distress. I am lying on a table with people I don’t know telling me awful news and at the same time feeling like I need to comfort my husband because that’s what I do, I put others first. This is something I work hard on to this day to not always do, but that’s hard for me. Chad starts crying. Our Baby is too young to come out and Chad feels helpless. My stupid fucked up body that had so many miscarriages that I had stopped counting. My in-laws who were so excited the first time, they bought a new car so the baby would be safe with them. My mom who squealed with delight at the thought of being a grandmother. That was all 4 years before Cooper was born.

I am admitted to the hospital and put on bedrest. But before all that, I am in the operating room because Coop thinks it’s a great day to be born.

Part 2 of day 1 next week.