If you’re like most people, you like to spend time with your family around the holidays even though some of them drive you a little crazy. Here are some tips for handling conflictual situations you might find yourself in when spending time with family.
First, control your flooding. We experience flooding when we have a surge of adrenaline and emotions that impacts us physically and mentally. We either freeze in fear or launch into a fight. Instead of either of those, the goal is to recognize we’re feeling flooded and calm ourselves. You can try deep breathing, walking, getting some space, going outside, or actively trying to relax your muscles.
Second, set your boundaries during the holidays. This means only taking care of your side of the street and asking other adults around you to do the same. Setting a boundary can help you keep your integrity even while others around you may be asking you to compromise it. This may look like you declining to talk about something you know will lead to conflict, walking away from a tense situation, or restating what you are willing and not willing to do.
Finally, negotiate with your family member. Maybe there is a way you can compromise so you both get what you need. If someone in your family wants to chat but it’s not a conversation you want to have, try changing the subject or asking if you can talk when it’s a better time. If someone criticizes how you are doing something around the house, ask if they’d like to help you do it. You might be surprised by the compromises your family members are willing to make.
If you remember to not let your emotions get the best of your when you’re flooded, avoid falling into old family patters by setting your own boundaries, and negotiate something you’re willing to execute with your family member, you can enjoy more of the time you spend with your family this holiday.