On-going wars, the election, and now holidays!?! Yikes!! Plus whatever is going on in your family, work, personal life, and just in your own body!?! Gross! Life is definitely lifing these days!
There’s so much going on to trigger us and knock us off center. It’s easy to find yourself in the past or future or zoned out into outer space.
When we get too stressed we go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn (reflexive people pleasing). We feel anxious or depressed. We avoid people. We rage on people. We people please or fix people. We try to change how we feel with addictions to drugs or alcohol or food or sex or shopping or whatever.
And since it’s the holiday season, we’re supposed to hang out with family and be grateful and generous in the middle of this!?!
That’s a tall/impossible ask when we’re in a trauma/stress response and our bodies are super dysregulated and don’t feel safe or connected. Fight/flight/freeze/fawn don’t include gratitude or generosity much less holiday party small talk. They’re for survival. They’re for surviving an avalanche or attack from a bear. You don’t sit down for turkey or think of gifts for loved ones or enjoy your ugly Christmas sweater party when you’re braced for disaster and just trying to live. But if we’re not tending to our nervous system and regulating it out of a trauma/stress response, this is basically what our bodies think we’re trying to do. No wonder life can feel overwhelming!
But it doesn’t have to be like that. If you’re reading this, you’re probably under stress but not in an imminently dangerous situation that would require flight/flight/freeze/fawn. Regardless of your fears or feelings or projections or memories, you’re probably physically safe. If that’s true, a trauma response is not necessary or appropriate for the moment. We just need to catch your body and nervous system up to this fact.
Here’s a gift from me to you. A simple exercise to find safety in the moment and in yourself so you can be with people in a connected and in the moment in a way that feels not only tolerable but maybe even…gasp…enjoyable.
Tips to be in the Moment
Find a quiet and comfy place to sit. If possible let yourself relax into the chair or bed or floor and let yourself feel held. Bonus points if you can let your head rest and feel held.
Take a breath and look around the room you’re in. Don’t just move your eyes, move your body. Find the exits. Notice and lable to yourself that in this moment and in this space you are safe.
Take a breath and let the awareness of the safety impact you and your body. Where can you feel it or where can you let yourself feel it in your body? Maybe you breathe deeper and let out a sigh, maybe you loosen your jaw, maybe you yawn, maybe your shoulders drop or close your eyes or wiggle your toes. Let yourself feel the safety of the moment.
You might notice gratitude or tears or a desire to move. Play around with what comes immediately after you notice safety and do what feels nice.
Rinse and repeat. Keep staying anchored in the safety of the room and let it impact you. If you find places in your body that won’t settle or get more tense or numb, notice that and then return your focus to a place in your body that can feel safe.
This is one practice. It doesn’t solve everything. But being able to find some regulation gives your body a little rest and also opens up more options to navigate life outside of fight/flight/freeze/fawn. If you need help beyond this practice, please reach out or book an appointment.