Attachment is a bond that is formed in early childhood between infants and their primary caregivers. Attachment bonds impact our relationships well into adulthood and informs how we think about ourselves, how we relate to others, and how we function in romantic relationships. We are biologically wired for attachment because it ensures that we are safe and can survive the years when we are too young to care for ourselves.
Secure attachment bonds form when babies cry and caregivers are effective in soothing the child. Secure children expect that when they reach out, a caregiver will be there to respond to their needs. These individuals grow into adults who find it relatively easy to be close to their romantic partners and are comfortable depending on them.
An insecure attachment bond forms when caregivers are inconsistent, unreliable, or inappropriate in responding to the child’s emotions. There are two common types of insecure attachment and are formed based on the type of caregiver response. Caregivers who are inconsistent in their response are sometimes effective in responding to a child’s needs and other times the child may feel ignored or shamed for their emotions. This produces children who have an anxious attachment style. In adult relationships these individuals often appear co-dependent and worry about whether or not they will be abandoned in their relationship.
When caregivers ignore or minimize their child’s emotions, children form avoidant attachments. As adults, these individuals minimize their own emotions and struggle to engage with their partner’s emotional needs. A third, less common insecure attachment style called disorganized attachment is formed when caregivers are so inconsistent in their responses that they become source of fear for the child. Because the child does not know what to expect, they attempt both anxious and avoidant strategies. Adults with disorganized attachment usually yearn for intimacy with a romantic partner but fear intimacy just as much.
Knowing your attachment style is key to understanding how you operate in all kinds of relationships, especially your romantic relationships. Please reach out or schedule an appointment if you are interested in understanding more about your or your partner’s attachment style.