The book is complete…. I think. For those who missed it, I spoke in a previous blog about creating ‘the book’. For many in the adoption process, creating a scrapbook snapshot of your lives is how birth parents choose which potential adoptive parents they want to meet. This book can be the key to getting a baby, so it’s a big deal.
Creating the book, for me, was a bit agonizing. Normally, my husband is the perfectionist in our relationship, but in this case, I was the one obsessing over the details. I love to travel. Its an absolute passion in my life and I have so so lucky to have been to many amazing places. Therefore, any book about me is going to have to include talking about travelling. Normally, I’m more than happy to talk about anywhere I’ve been and all the places I still want to go. However, when trying to show this in the book, I was suddenly questioning everything. Here’s what happened in my brain: “What if the birth mother also loves to travel? I need to be sure to show that connection and put up fabulous pictures in from the pyramids in Egypt and Machu Picchu in Peru! She’ll love that!” But then: “wait, what if she hasn’t had the opportunity to travel? Maybe financially it’s not an option in her life and putting these pictures up will make me look disconnected from the hard reality of life and she’ll think I’m totally pretentious and don’t understand where she’s coming from. Ok, take those pictures off”. But then “But maybe she’ll wish her child will have the chance to travel that she never had. Put the pictures up” But then….. You get the picture.
So, with some advice from the owner of the adoption agency, I decided to just be as authentically myself as possible. All I can do is put it out there in the way that is the most true to who I am and who we are as a family and trust that the right person is out there. Turns out that this process feels a lot like dating. I recall some dates in my younger years when I would spend most of the night trying to figure out if I was acting right and saying the right things etc. Then I learned that if I wanted to meet the right person to be in my life, I needed that person to like me for exactly who I am, not someone I’m trying to. Turns out that’s true when adopting a baby also….
If you are looking to adopt, or have adopted in the past, and need someone to talk to about all of the emotions that come along with adopting, please come see me and we can work through it together.