In couples counseling, I hear these phrase frequently.
“Can you fix us?”
“Have you seen worse than us?”
“How F#%&ED are we?!?”
Here are 4 things to remember!
Nothing is broken. Ok, yes you have lost trust, you have been unreasonable, etc… But nobody is broken. You have reached a new level in your relationship and we need to adjust the sails. This is about compromise, being honest with yourself and your partner, and making your wants and needs overt. Expecting your partner to be psychic and figure out your needs isn’t going to happen.
Do you want to improve things or do you want to stay in power in your relationship? Often, when one partner has been in control and then they relinquish that stance by trying to be more compassionate/understanding/friendly, the other flies in for the coup. We think this is a great position to occupy, but really it’s the opposite. When you decide to take over as Captain instead of Teammate, you are making a decision to stay in turmoil. I totally understand when you have felt so beneath somebody for so long why you would take on the power position, however, the truth is that it just doesn’t serve you.
You are only as F#%&ED as you think and act. Couples in my practice who jump in with both feet, who do the work and follow the path set in front of them make huge strides. Remember that it took you a long time to get to where you are, you need time to back out of that space and make room for a new and improved relationship. You need very specific tools to rebuild what has been shaken.
Are you committed to doing YOUR part to change the way YOU react and engage? If you are able to focus on how you react and engage, you will be far more successful in your relationship compared to others who wait for their partners to change. You know the saying “be the change you want to see in the world”? The same holds true in your relationship.
If any of this rings a bell and you would like to make changes or improvements in your relationship, please get in touch. Rebuilding your relationship – believe it or not – doesn’t have to be a nightmare. I make a point of bringing levity into sessions, you don’t have to cry your way into happiness. Call today to set up a couples counseling appointment in Denver!