We ALL fall short. We know we are doing it, and sometimes we just don’t care. So when one of you has one of those days, it’s up to the other person to bring their A game. It’s also important to realize why fighting matters. We will worry about the repair part later when you can apologize and really mean it.
People who think that they will never fight in a relationship are, quite frankly, delusional. In my opinion, if you are in one of those relationships, then you either aren’t being honest about things that bother you or you are sweeping things under the rug and pushing problems aside.
In my many years of couples and marriage counseling, and being in my own 17 year relationship, I KNOW fighting is healthy. In some of my best fights with my husband, we have had our best conversations and realizations.
Here are some reasons fighting with your spouse or significant other is important:
- Anger sets a line in the sand, a boundary, telling the other person they have just crossed over. Anger as an emotion isn’t bad. Your boundaries show the other person what you are willing to put up with to a point and then it’s a game changer. If you don’t set up boundaries, people will walk right over your line without knowing or respecting it.
- Fighting appropriately let’s you stand up for yourself and get your point across when the other person may not have realized your goals or intentions. Don’t rob the other person of the chance to understanding your position.
- People exist differently in the world. Do not make the other person wrong just because you disagree. We all need to learn that difference does not = wrong, it equals different! It’s not OK to pout or be hurt because your partner has a different view.
Obviously, these are just a few examples. There are many more how and why to fight fair. If you want to know how to fight without making the other person wrong, without attacking their character, without being defensive or critical, then call me so I can give you the exact tools you need.
My couples therapy practice is based on over 40 years of scientifically validated research from the top minds in the field. If you want to know what works, I have it and want to share it all. Let’s get started today!