Today a client asked me if I have ever dealt with “something this bad” in my practice. Her marriage is in a shambles in ways that frankly are hard to imagine. To her, it’s worse than any horror movie. I told her that I’ve never seen her exact situation, but I’ve had all the pain in the world in my practice from different clients in too many situations to count. So the question is not about judging the extent of the “badness”. The question is have I ever seen this much pain. The answer will always be “yes”.
Part of her question asks about a “degree of pain marker” to be put on situations. The first time I realized I couldn’t put a measurement on the degree of emotional pain was when my son was in the NICU for three and a half months. He was born three and a half months early. I would get comments that people could relate because their child was born 4 weeks early. I came to the conclusion that if your worst event in your whole life was your child being 4 weeks early and it scared the living shit out of you, then who am I to say mine was worse? We were equally scared shitless.
Don’t compare your pain or life situation to anything else. You pain is your pain no matter what anybody else thinks. If your partner does or says things that are belittling and mean according to you, then they are belittling and mean. I have clients from the east coast who can talk to each other in ways that would make my mid-west clients lose their mind. The point is that if you have a feeling or an emotion or a pain, it’s real and it’s ok.
The other point is that yes, you can move beyond it if you want, but you don’t have to. If what happened is the straw that broke the camel’s back, then it’s broken. If you want to try everything and anything to repair it, then let’s go for it. Just don’t feel like you have to do what all your friends say because they don’t think your pain or your situation is that bad. Your wound might not be big to them, but to you, your heart has been ripped out. Pay attention to your feelings, to your grief and to your needs.
I have seen pain, I have felt sad and hurt. I am here to help you get through what ever level of “bad” you are experiencing. Call and make an appointment today.