“Your scars are beautiful”
I have couples do weekly homework assignments. They don’t take long and they are fun. I explain to couples that just like going to the gym to build up biceps, reconnection doesn’t happen after one visit. To build the emotional muscles in your brain, you need to exercise them consistently. Here’s one of the coolest / loveliest / most darling responses to one of the questions asked that I have ever heard.
The statement to reply to is… “I am physically attracted to my partner. Name one physical attribute you are attracted to.”
He said “I am attracted to so many things about you. But the things I am most attracted to are your scars. Your scars are beautiful. I know what each of them means, I know what how each of them happened.” These scars – some are small, some are pretty visible – like the one where the tracheotomy was in her neck – have a very intense story behind them. What could be painful and awkward for her became powerful and intensely meaningful for each of them. It’s a connection that only they have.
The smallest questions lead to profound answers neither one could ever guess would actually be spoken or written. Couples therapy isn’t just about clearing the current crisis, it’s about reaching down deep to those astonishing and lovely insights.
I haven’t met a couple yet where AWESOME answers weren’t a part of the process. If you or your spouse / partner want to uncover some of these touching insights, please get in touch with me and let’s get to work. And yes, even my really angry couples have those moments where the walls begin to come down after going through these exercises. EVERYBODY has hope and potential.
At Colorado Couples and Family Therapy, we have use many different resources and couples counseling techniques to aid you in your therapy journey. We are looking forward to working with you! Contact us today.