You Can Do Hard Things

When I did the LA marathon, I did it in memory of my grandma. She died of lung disease, so I ran to celebrate the use of my lungs in her honor and, to memorialize that intention, on my race bib it said, "for GG". 

I’d never run more than a half marathon before signing up for LA, but I trained well, even though all the training was hard. I got to the start line on race day and was so excited for the thing I'd been anticipating and preparing for that I went out fast. It didn't feel too fast - it felt great, and I was so proud of myself. But then I started to get tired, and my stomach cramped up. I saw a friend of mine pass me by and it looked like she was floating while I was barely hanging on and I was pissed at how hard this was for me. Then my legs started to hurt and added fear to my frustration. I stopped to walk in Beverly Hills. I was crying. It felt like my options were to get injured or quit. I took out my earbuds so I could ask someone to use their phone to call my parents to come get me. Just then someone happened to yell out "Do it for GG". "God damn it" I said with a laugh and the innate knowing of what I now had to do. I cried more...but they were different tears. I didn't quit. I walked a bit more but then started running and finished the damn thing. 

My takeaway is that when I'm tired, I don't have to be stubborn and hurt myself but also that I can tend to forget my own strength. I am helped by connecting to my goals and values and taking a little break to regroup and finish what I start. 

If you're like me and my clients, these last few years have been draining...to say it politely. Life just feels hard and burn-out either has happened, is happening, or is looming on the horizon for most of us. What do we do when life hands us hard things? What do we do when we're tired, even of the things we know we want to do?  What do we do when we're walking through Beverly Hills, towel in hand, looking to just throw it in? 

While you might not have run a marathon, but I imagine you've done hard things. Fuck that – I KNOW you've done hard things. It's helpful to know how you tend to respond to stress - I tend to ignore it, then judge it, then when I’m really stressed, I want to give up. And I’m a therapist and a marathon finisher. And that all still happens. You have probably observed patterns when at work or in relationships or even in traffic or a hard yoga class for how you respond. Know those and know they are signs of stress. You don't have to listen to them and let them dictate your behavior. But it does help to recognize them and acknowledge that you're stressed and need to do something about it. 

Then see if you can remember what you did to get through hard things in the past. For me, in the marathon it was taking a break and connecting to values and remembering my strength. I’m also helped reliably by music and talking to trusted people. Maybe you journal or do art or have a mantra or memory that helps you when you remember it. We all have our process. What’s yours? When you know what you've done in the past, you can be more confident that you can overcome the current situation and use past solutions as a jumping off point to problem solve whatever life stuff you're dealing with now. 

You also don't have to do all this alone. If you're stressed and overwhelmed and don't know where to start, reach out, we love to help! 

Dream Big

I have a friend who's doing her first 100 mile ultra marathon race this weekend. While this doesn't appeal to me, I'm in awe of the audacity to try to do 100 miles. I don't even like driving 100 miles! But that's beside the point. The point is, she has a goal that a lot of people, including herself at one point, thought was impossible. Actually, she has entered shorter races and not been able to finish. There is no concrete evidence that she will finish this race. And yet she persists. She's daring to dream and risk failing in order to reach her goal.

I have another friend who is hell bent on qualifying for the Boston Marathon. He needs a time that's faster than he's ever run a marathon before and he keeps having injuries pop up and interrupt his training. He recently got injured to the point of having to stop running for a month. But he's doing the rehab, reworking his training plan, and simply rescheduling his qualifying race. He persists. Hes daring to dream and risk failing in order to reach his goal.

While I may not want to run far or fast, I am challenged by my friends to dream big, push my limits, put my ego to the side and declare goals to my friends even if I may not reach them immediately. When I want to take the easy way or temper my goals with self limiting thoughts and fear, I think of them and push past what I think is possible. If she can run 100 miles, I can finish these notes, tolerate traffic, or climb a 14er. If he can try to qualify for Boston, I can write a book or plan a dream vacation.

You may not have athletic performance goals. Maybe you want to communicate better with your partner, start a new work venture, perform at an open mic, recover from an eating disorder, work through trauma, whatever. It’s important to acknowledge your audacious goal, find inspiration around you, and take the leap. You never know, you may end up being someone else's inspiration!