The Dependency Paradox

Did you know that being dependent on another person actually makes you more independent and healthy? Having a strong bond with someone promotes independence and is a sign of strong mental health. Our brains are wired to be with a partner, to have a mate we can rely on and trust. Being isolated and alone causes physical, mental and emotional distress.  

There are numerous studies out now about how young adults eschew connection with another person. Social media and smartphones let us stay distantly connected. It’s not the same as face to face interaction where you can read body language, hear tone and see subtle micro cues that our brains process in less than a second. A text does none of these.  

The Couples Institute out of Menlo Park, California, puts it this way: You want to be two independent people inside of the “We” bubble. You each have your own autonomous lives protected by the bond that surrounds and protects your relationship. While most couples start out looking like a Venn diagram, the goal is to separate into a mutual interdependence inside the same bubble.  

Couples go through stages of dependency. Remember that the way you start out isn’t the way you should end up. There is typically a strained point in the relationship when one partner begins to pull away towards that interdependence. Couples counseling helps calm the storm that can arise during this period. We explore the attachment bonds and how to maintain them while heading back towards interdependence. Emotional dependency on another is our best attribute.



If you’re in a relationship where you are both completely independent and want to work towards emotional dependency, call us today so we can help you get there.