Stick with me here for a minute… My dog got really REALLY sick the other day. The doctor gave him an anti-nausea injection and fluids. She gave me pills to take home and give to him for 8 days. She also told me that they taste horrid so I would have to “shove them down his throat.” I immediately thought, I am not doing that - that’s gross. Neither one of us would be happy. Later that night my neighbor came over and I told her what the doc wanted me to do to get my dog to take his pill. She decided to take it upon herself to “help” me. She tried and tried and tried - I just stood there - but my dog didn’t end up getting his pill. The minute she left, I wrapped up the nasty pills in some meat and he chunked them right down.
I hope you can now see my point. Shoving your message / anger / hurt / betrayal down somebody else’s throat might work (and I use that term lightly) in the short term, but eventually your partner will get pissed off because they’ve had enough, even if they are the one who originally caused the rift. The nasty, harsh way will never be comfortable or successful in the long term. It’s uncomfortable for everybody involved, including my cute dog and your cute partner.
If you are holding onto a past hurt and continuing to shove it down his / her throat, you need a new game plan. You also need help getting your point across and understood in a whole new way because yours ain’t working my friend. So don’t be like my neighbor thinking you are doing yourself a favor or teaching your partner a lesson.* You aren’t. Come in and let’s figure out the best way to help you, your partner and your relationship.
*I very much like my neighbor! It’s just her tactics don’t work, mine do.