In a marriage or relationship, the amount of times you make love can vary from one week to the next. From having a crazy busy work schedule to fighting off a nasty cold/flu. All of which are normal!
Think about it, when you first enter a relationship and begin dating it’s so exciting because it’s new, so you may be having sex everyday, even a few times a day! Then as time continues, maybe a new job for one of you changes your previous spontaneity and flexibility due to change in shifts such as one of you is working days while the other is working nights. So now, you’re having sex less. Now, let’s say it’s a few times a week, but not everyday. Then maybe you get married and one of you loses your job unexpectedly. With added stress, maybe your frequency slows down even more to maybe 1x a week and sometimes 1x every other week. Completely understandable and normal due to unprecedented stressors and circumstances. The important thing here is to continue to communicate to each other about feelings towards your intimacy and everything else. So now, maybe one of you gets a big raise and now you are feeling great about things, so your intimacy heats back up and you begin adding in more sexual encounters to a few times a week again. But wait, now you’re pregnant and it begins decreasing again. Then another kid, and it decreases even more.
How do you handle the ups and downs of your intimacy all while handling the ebbs and flows of life? There is no perfect answer, having been married 9 years myself with 3 children and a dog, it can be hectic and hard to keep intimacy a priority. However, it is important. It’s good for you and your significant other to connect and share that release so don’t be afraid to talk about it. I often hear other couples talk about sex and it’s crazy how opposite they are on the subject. I mean even saying the word SEX seems taboo for so many. And depending on your situation, upbringing, fantasies, etc. it is understandable the differences we all experience related to sex. But it is important to keep the dialogue open between you and your partner around sex. Besides, sex not only keeps you close as a couple, it gives you something to look forward to together, it keeps stress levels down, can boost your immune system and can even make people feel better physically. On the reverse, having no intimacy can affect parts of your relationship from communication, affection, happiness and even overall trust.
Do you find yourself struggling to connect over this topic and/or want to talk more about sex and intimacy with your partner? If so, please reach out and schedule an appointment with one of our therapists.