Depression–Friend or Foe?

By reading the title, I bet you are wondering if there is a typo where the word 'friend’ exists in the same sentence as depression. How is that possible? We hate depression, right? Almost everything about depression on the internet explains how it is enemy number one and how we can overcome it. In many instances, I agree with the desire to get rid of depression as it can be incredibly debilitating to not just the individual but those around them as well. However, I would like to suggest something different. 

Treat Depression as a Friend

Let us view depression as a friend, just for a little bit. Consider this a thought exercise. The more time I spend practicing as a therapist, the more I have noticed clients’ goals of excommunicating the big-bad ’depression’. People are taught that depression is something that should be “treated”, “overcome”, or “dealt with”. Society tells us that people with depression are sick and need to have it taken care of. 

Ideally, it sounds wonderful to get rid of this so-called ‘negative’ energy and be able to enjoy the sunshine and rainbows of the world. But what is holding them back? It could be because getting rid of something that is so deeply rooted in our nervous systems feels impossible and even discouraging.

So let us put on our new filtered lens and take a peek at what is the purpose of depression in me. Have you noticed how depression has been there to protect you from further harm? Minimizing risks? Evolutionary speaking, depression encourages the individual to rest. 

“While depression may be maladaptive when it comes to mood and social interactions, the symptoms could be quite adaptive when it comes to keeping a person alive while fighting infection. The theory also helps explain why stress can trigger depressive episodes. It may be the body’s effort to amp up the immune response in preparation for infection.” (Walton, 22)

Different Ways to Look at Depression

If we take a break from resisting this very important part of us, we just might notice the purpose of its existence in our lives. To try something different, would be to understand and befriend it first. Once you feel like you have made peace with depression as a part of you, only then can you start to encourage that part to move over to the passenger seat, while you focus on taking the right steps towards regaining control of your goals and life. 

• Being aware of how depression is negatively (isolation, lack of motivation) and positively (reevaluation of habits, re-prioritization, self-protection) impacting your lives. 

• Speak to yourself and the depressive part with kindness and grace. (Negative self-talk discourages us from making progress)

• Encourage the self in you to be in control of the daily goals that you wish to achieve. 

• Start collecting the small victories throughout your day.

• Rewrite your story with new-found motivation and confidence!

If you struggle with depression and want to learn how to see it from a different perspective, please schedule an appoint with me today.

Too Busy to Feel

I come by it honestly. My Dad was a well-intentioned workaholic and my Mom both loses and finds herself in helping others. I’m good at staying busy. It’s brought some amazing adventures, a sense of confidence and independence, and varied nerdy interests and intellectual pursuits.

But what happens when life slows down and gives you more time than you know how to fill? If you’re me, you panic! The panic goes in waves (the waves calm when the smallest bit of distraction helps me avoid the darkness that my fear tells me is looming in the distance, waiting to pounce if I slow down enough for it to catch me). I didn’t think I actively avoided being still, but at the same time I certainly wasn’t comfortable in it and had created patterns and habits that kept me from finding an uncomfortable amount of it. But those patterns of staying busy had been changed and weren’t available and I got scared.

Oh, and to further normalize aversion to stillness, I’m a therapist! I’m supposed to like this shit! I’m into mindfulness and stillness and emotions and all that uncomfy stuff. Wasn’t I supposed to start a prolonged state of levitating bliss when I got my MFT license!?!

So I did what any enlightened person does…I judged myself, I denied my feelings, and I found new ways to get busy again. Until I hit a brick wall and got buried under feelings of depression and anxiety. Until I started crying at small, seemingly random things. Until I struggled to get out of bed. Until I was with my favorite people doing my favorite things and still felt numb because disconnecting from painful emotions had disconnected me from the more fun ones as well.

Begrudgingly, I took my own dumb advice and leaned into the stillness. I got really intentional about keeping up my yoga practice, meditating, listening to music, journaling, letting myself lay in bed and cry if I felt like it. I got intentional about being curious about my thoughts and feelings and simply observing and labeling what I saw.  At that time, what I found, was loneliness. In hindsight, all my previous busy-ness that had been an effort to avoid feeling lonely had kept me from connecting to others, mostly because I hadn’t been connecting to myself.  Without truly seeing my emotions and loneliness, I had not been effective in helping myself feel better because you can’t fix a problem you refuse to identify. Once I got in touch with my loneliness I was able to take action to connect to friends and family, connect more meaningfully to activities, and, most importantly, connect to myself.

This stuff isn’t magic. I still had times (and currently have time…let’s be real, this stuff is part of life and still happens) when I missed people or was bored. And those times hurt, but I find myself practicing being more open to acknowledging that hurt rather than running from it. I firmly believe that being separated from others is painful, but being separated from yourself is suffering.

I encourage you to join me in this practice of daily slowing down enough to see yourself. It’s a scary idea and takes a lot of bravery. And it’s worth it. You’re worth it.

If you’re struggling with overwhelming emotions, we’re here to help.  Get in touch via our website www.coloradocft.com, email, or phone 818.919.2253

Out of the Darkness Community Walk

Join me at “Out of the Darkness” Community Walk in Denver September 24, 2016

At Colorado Couples and Family Therapy, we often give calls to action, ways to take a concept and apply it to improve your life. Well here’s a different call to action, a way to improve someone else’s life.

On September 24th, you can join me and many others in walking with the “Out of the Darkness” community walk to remember those we have lost and bring awareness to mental health issues so we may help those struggling with suicide.

EVENT DETAILS

Walk Date: 9/24/16

Walk Time: 10am-12pm

Walk Location: Coors Field (1663 Park Avenue West, Denver)

To get more info and register: afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.eventID=3920

From www.TWLOHA.com:

Suicide, or intentionally taking one’s life, is complex; it involves psychological, social, biological, cultural, and environmental factors. People who are suicidal may talk a lot about death, with/draw from friends, give away prized possessions, become more reckless and impulsive, /or express hopelessness. (2) Suicide is preventable; talking about it does not cause someone to become suicidal, but rather, could actually save their life. 1

Some statistics:

•    Globally, there is one suicide about every 40 seconds. 2

•    In the U.S., there is a suicide every 13.7 minutes. 3

•    Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death for Americans. 1

•    Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for Americans age 15-24. 4

•    Males die by suicide four times as often as females, but there are three female attempts for every male attempt. 1

1.    AAS Facts about Suicide and Depression

2.    WHO Suicide Prevention Fact Sheet

3.    AAS 2010 Suicide Final Data

4.    CDC Suicide Fact Sheet*

Favorite Podcast of the Week - The Hilarious World of Depression

My favorite podcast of the week is The Hilarious World of Depression.  Have you listened to this??!!  It’s so amazing.  John Moe, a comedian and the host of the podcast, has discussions with a lot of famous people about a silent but often deadly disease, he also makes you laugh about it.  His first question to all guests, usually comedians, is “Is depression funny?”.  They all answer yes, and then they talk about the lonely side of the disease when you try to manage it on your own.

I love this podcast for several reasons and am always on the lookout for a new episode.  Like I said, he is having in-depth, very personal conversations about depression and its debilitating effects.  So much of what we witness about depression is on TV ads or in magazines in small print that makes no sense - If you take this drug you might feel better.  Don’t get me wrong, I think psychopharmaceuticals are fantastic, but what John is doing is different. He is normalizing depression by introducing you to famous people who suffer and how they are combating their mental illness. He puts well known faces to depression making it relatable.  You probably need more than a dose of medicine daily to really combats this nightmare.

John gives listeners tips and tricks in every episode.  Everybody deals with and handles their depression differently.  He gives listeners mini episodes as well, some of which are listener based.  People email him with their personal strategies.  I tell all my clients that no matter what, you need an arsenal of weapons, a toolbox full of ideas because some days your go-to weapon won’t cut it. 

Here’s a link to the podcast - go get it!  AND, stop struggling alone!  We want to help you, call us right now and start feeling better today.  Let’s build your own personal arsenal to kick depression’s ass. 

Carrie

303-881-3355