make yourself happy

Focus on Your Focus

This picture was taken the other day in front of my house. You can’t see it, but two feet away there's a dumpster. Both were in my environment. I just chose to focus on the flowering tree. It got me thinking how our power and our happiness lies in our focus.

We can’t control our past, our friends and family, our thoughts, our moods, our biology....etc. Instead of focusing on what we can’t control, I find it helpful to focus on what we can control. And one thing we can control is our focus. So instead of being a victim or a slave to circumstances, we can find some control, some mastery, some relief in our focus.

So instead of focusing on traffic, you can focus on music. Instead of focusing on anger from the fight you had last night with your partner, you can focus on self care, empathy for your partner, and underlying desire to keep your partnership alive. Instead of focusing on counting calories,, you can focus on the company and conversations at the dinner table. Instead of focusing on your racing heart, you can focus on slowing and deepening your breathing during a panic attack. You get the picture.

This is a skill. It takes practice. It’s not magic, it’s mindfulness.


The Post Without a Name

My fantastic day that was taken away

The day that was supposed to be all about me isn’t

First world problems and why am I whining?

I’m selfish, this is my job as a mommy

Now I feel guilty

I had a day all to myself.  All about me.  I was even excited at 2 am.  I had trouble sleeping but that was ok because I had a day of rest and relaxation planned out with some work and chores thrown in.  Then, at 4 am the dog decides he must go outside.  He did his business then decided it was a great time to roll all over while I am glaring at him from the other side of the door.  Finally I fell back asleep around 6 am.  Alarm goes off at 6:20, but that’s ok because I still have my whole day when I get back from morning errands.  

My son woke up not feeling any better from the night before.  He’s staying home.  My husband forgot to have a meeting with me about money, which is fine at night but stressful when we rush it in the morning.  Then we can’t find the right super hero show on TV and can’t find the network password to find it on the Apple TV.  We ran out of batteries for the remote so I took them out of the bathroom scale.  Now my English Breakfast Tea is cold.  All the while I am really trying to breathe and tell myself these are such minor things. But that also means that I was seriously getting pissy about my day being taken away.

I was supposed to wake up, do school drop off while listening to our book on audible together.  It’s a fun morning tradition complete with dragons, sword battles for legendary characters, etc.. Then I listen to my new book on the way home.  The best part was upon arrival at home I would begin my new workout today and healthy eating plan.  Sigh…  

It’s now 8:35 am.  My plan is to now rearrange my crappy mindset.  Obviously I can still make this day about me, but my little (not so little) guy comes first.  “Mommy please get me my pillow” makes my heart melt.  Now that it is quiet here, I have regrouped and will make the day what it was originally going to be but with a few minor tweaks.  

Conclusion?  My day was great, it was exactly as it was meant to be.  Sometimes changing my mindset takes a bit of extra effort.  But it always makes me feel better.  Taking a pause, several deep relaxing breaths and tuning into what is actually the most important feels right.  The days will continue to be occasionally messy and they can still be cleaned up.  My day turned out to be quiet, peaceful and soothing.  EXACTLY what I wanted in the first place.