New Year’s resolutions are often the topic of conversation this time off year. Some people thing of topics or categories then create goals and steps to achieve them. This works for some people- but I am one of the "other people."
I try to remember my goals, put them up somewhere that I look at often, put alarms on my phone to remind me of them, make a detailed calendar of how I am going to accomplish them. However, it never seems to stick. Why focus on these physical goals???
This year I am going a different route. My goals are going to focus on how I want to feel in 2019. I want more serenity/peace, balance, awareness, less stress and happiness. I then made a list of things I want to do this week to help increase these chances of feeling this way. Pick one feeling for the week and focus on improving it, or increasing it.
Focus on one feeling for the week. What am I going to change, do differently, add to achieve my emotional goal? Example: I want more peace in my life. So, I am going to spend at least 30 minutes a day to write down 3 things what I am grateful for and then do yoga or stretch.
Next, select a day and time when you will check in with yourself. Set an alarm in your phone to help remind you. Example: Every Sunday night I go to the steam room for 15 minutes and reflect on the week. How do I feel? Did the new activity help me achieve my goal of increased peace? If yes, keep the same pattern for 2 more weeks. If it is still helping, then at the end of week 3, add another emotion to focus on for the week. Identify various ways to obtain this emotion, pick one and try it for the week. Repeat steps above!
These skills are similar to how we can improve our current relationship. We all have weaknesses and strengths. If I am having trouble in my relationship, maybe I can identify one fault I want to improve for the week. Example: I can be critical. So, for the week I will focus on not being so critical and be more positive.
You can tell your partner this is something you are going to work on. Tell them to point out if you are being critical, as it might be so ingrained you doing even realize it. (Tell you r partner exactly how to tell you- so maybe they have a code work they say, or maybe they hold your hand and say "I love you but can you tell me something a bit more positive?" Or something else that will feel supportive and not critical or judgmental.
Focus on thing to improve and focus on for the week. If you are doing better for at least 3 weeks, then add another weakness to focus on.
Then follow the same steps as above!