In couples work, I often walk couples through cycles that emerge in their communication. We look at words, behaviors and situations that contribute to couples feeling off kilter. External situations like interacting with in-laws, chores, or work stress are easy(ish) to identify. One situation that often goes I looked because it’s less obvious is hormonal changes throughout the monthly cycle of people who menstruate.
Did you know that changes in estrogen impact not just mood and energy but also ability to filter information in your brain? So, when it’s low, we can be overwhelmed easily sights, sounds, noises, thoughts, and memories. PTSD symptoms can get worse at different times of our cycle. Some people feel more tired and withdrawn and less interested in activities and relationships as estrogen fluctuates. This is something both partners can and should be aware of as needs and emotions shift and it’s easier for one or both partners to feel confused and hurt by what’s happening.
Did you know that ovulation can change our level of attraction to our partner? We can be more motivated for sex, also feel more vulnerable, and also feel more critical of our partner as evaluating our partner on often unspoken and unconscious indicators of being a good person to have a baby with. This can be confusing. Men can also pick up on the subtle changes in voice, smell, and appearance while ovulating and often are more interested in sex and exhibit their own behavior changes sometimes. These shifts that occur around ovulation can all impact our ability to feel safe and seen and feel like our needs are met. It’s a time where it’s very easy for one partner to feel suffocated and/or another to feel rejected.
For these reasons and more (this is a therapy blog not a science journal), I suggest tracking your cycle. It doesn’t solve everything, but it can help to name it, to predict it and plan around it, to make it less personal, and be able to work together on managing this often important player in your relationship.
If you and your partner are struggling with communication, I would love to help you both figure out ways to reconnect and communicate better. Book a session with me today.