Couple habits don’t matter as much as individual habits. That’s seems counter intuitive, right? But from the research, we know it’s true. You must individually develop habits that serve your relationship. Here’s one of the main lessons we’ve learned. The following paragraph is borrowed from Brent Atkinson’s Developing Habits for Relationship Success.
Some of the most important habits are not “couple” habits, but rather are “individual” habits.
Researchers have found that some of the things that are most crucial to relationship success are not accomplished through joint teamwork but rather through individual effort. Not only must you be able to do certain things without the assistance of your partner, some of the most critical habits must be implemented at moments when it seems that your partner is making it most difficult for you to do so.
The ability to respond effectively when feeling upset, provoked, annoyed, ignored or mistreated is one of the most important abilities identified by researchers.
It is precisely at these moments when people who are headed for satisfying future relationships distinguish themselves from those who are destined for unsatisfying relationships. People who are effective at these moments require that they be treated with respect, but they also have ways of making it easy for their partners to do so. They know how to stand up for themselves, but they do it without putting their partners down. They don’t make a big deal of how awful their partners are for being selfish, inconsiderate or controlling—they just require that their partners become more flexible.
At CCFT, we are committed to helping all of our clients develop the skills necessary for relationship success. It’s not an option if you want a happy long term partnership. If you are looking for help in standing up for yourself while not putting your partner down, reach out to us and we can help you both get to that happy place.