Want to be an effective dater? Here are some tips to date yourself for a while and figure out who you really are.
I know this is a generalization, however I see this all the time in my office and I am also guilty of it. As moms, friends, daughters, wives, etc, we tend to put others before ourselves on a consistent basis. WHY?!?!?!?
This is honestly a struggle for me since I have the helper gene nailed down pretty hard. But the truth is when I put myself first, life is so much better. I am able to attend to the others in my life with purpose. I am more focused, more intentional, better attuned to them because I have taken care of myself and my needs. I am not off in my head trying to figure out my next moves for dinner, laundry, my business, friends, family, etc.
Try it for one small day or half the day. Make it all about you and see what happens. I am very aware that when I am not first, things get chaotic and messy. For example, I am writing this while staring at a basket of clean laundry that has been sitting there for 2 days. My sink is full of dishes. Those things can wait because right now, my personal life and my business projects are taking priority. I literally decided the other day that I am focusing on 3 things: personal health, business health and family health. Everything else is now on hold. There is a lot on hold. So many projects, books and shiny objects screaming for my attention. If I let myself get sidetracked, then I get anxious. Focusing on my top three is my new priority and it feels so much better. Take a look at my Self Care tip for ideas. If you need help making yourself a priority, pick up the phone and call us. We can do this journey together!
Meditation doesn't have to be formal or last for extended periods of time. Sometimes, there is just as much benefit from doing random mindfulness throughout the day. The idea is to simply control your focus whenever you can/whenever you think of it. It will help with attention, help get unstuck from old patterns, help avoid being a mindless zombie, help cultivate excitement and gratitude, etc.
There are three basic ways to focus attention and be mindful.
1. Observe. Just notice. Look at your surroundings, your body, your thoughts. Move your eyes, move your head. Cultivate awareness and curiosity.
2. Describe. Put words to your experience. Lable what you notice. Try to avoid judgement. You can do this silently, in your head. You can also use this skill in conversation or by journaling.
3. Participate. Show up. Throw your whole body and mind into what you're doing. Let go of judgement or expectations or self consciousness.
I used to hate this holiday, even if I had a boyfriend. So much pressure! I always felt like I *should* be going out to dinner at an expensive restaurant but I didn’t want to. I didn’t like getting flowers and I am not a chocolate fan. I would rather have a big steak and fries So while this is a holiday totally geared towards couples, this year I am going to make it about me! I think you should join me in the rebellion.
After I tend to the things I can’t ignore in the morning, the dog, my son and getting out of bed, here is my plan for the day. I don’t want to come up with things at the last moment, so I am planing weeks in advance.
Things I have planned to make this a lovely day for me, myself and I.
*Breakfast - taking myself out for a quiet, peaceful way to start my day and really indulge in all the flavors. No calorie counting allowed, mimosas encouraged. I invited my good buddy Lindsay to come with me.
*Pedicure - the longer version where it takes about an hour or more. Pamper pamper pamper me.
*Dog Park - this might seem odd, but I love going by myself and listening to my favorite book or podcast. Fletcher can run around while I stroll. Plan B if it’s a snow day: movie at home on couch with Fletcher, knitting and a roaring fire.
*Finish up my art project I started a few months ago.
*Writing a love letter to somebody I love a whole bunch, somebody who won’t expect it.
*Dinner will be with my family because that would be weird to ignore them, plus I already made the entire first part of the day one of indulgence for myself. Dinner will be about love in general. It will also be steak and fries!
The goal here is to know that you can bring self-love and compassion throughout the day. You can do this any day of the year. I just think it is fun to turn the tables on a traditional day and make it count for you and what you need. I hope you join me and celebrate yourself all day long. This could become a really cool habit.
Taking care of yourself 1st so you can then give back to others.
(P.S. - I just told Chad about this post and he said I should do this weekly. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED)
I have made big lists on self-care and have posted about my lists. The other day I thought to myself, when I see those big lists that others put together, it sometimes feels overwhelming. So this time I am going to tell you guys just one little thing you can do to take care of yourself, and you can decide if you want to try it out or not. If you think you want to try it, do it daily or every few days for one week and see how it goes.
Things you will need:
- A bathtub or a hot tub
- Candles, many of them
- Something to set them on
- Cozy robe or your favorite towel
- Neck rest / rolled up towel
- Bubble bath
- A book
- Lights / no lights
- Locked door
This is time out for you and nobody is allowed to intrude or come to you with problems.
**Disclaimer**I have to give full credit to my husband who is “making” me do this several times a week and I loooove it. It was his idea. He actually set this all up for me, but anybody can set this up and do it for themselves and it will still feel amazing.
Enjoy week #1! Each week we will add a new self-care habit to keep you refreshed and focused on yourself.
Always remember, you are not able to fully give to others or to your relationship if you are depleted and drained. This is the year of YOU. Take charge and be selfish in the best possible way so that you can give in the best possible way.